While science has denounced flying saucers, great scientific minds and research organizations have funneled time and money into recreating a round, hovering aircraft without moving parts or fuel…all for naught. Funny thing is, the original flying saucer of Kenneth Arnold fame wasn’t even saucer shaped. As for the headline, it turns out them aliens do seem to fly craft shaped like the B-2. Where do you think we got the idea? “AARGH! AIEEE!” as Billy Cox says out of frustration in Alas, Another Punchline. It’s a letter to Jimmy Kimmel who Cox says blew a golden opportunity when Hilary Clinton said in a reply to a question about the Great Taboo: “Unless it’s a threat to national security, I think we oughtta share it with the public.â€� What Kimmel should have replied, but obviously didn’t, is “How could UFOs affect national security?” Instead we got a typical late-night joke about medical marijuana making people paranoid. Maybe Kimmel should invite Laura Magdalene Eisenhower, The Alien Expert [who] Says Eating Vegan Food Is Best to Attract ‘Sky Beings’. That’s right, the medical astrologist, global alchemist, cosmic mythologist, and the great-granddaughter of President Dwight D. Eisenhower thinks that kombucha, Indian food, raw food, and veggies like cabbages can help us summon aliens and other sky beings. Seriously, is that all it takes? (PH)

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